I have a dis-order. It's called "Benign Familial Tremor" or "Essential Tremor". I have had it since I was a young child. What it means is that every inch of my body exhibits a noticeable, rhythmic tremor throughout my life. It can be exaggerated by drugs, lessened by meditation, controlled by breathing and yoga, but for all intents and purposes it never truly goes away. Doctors have no idea where it comes from. But I have a hunch.
A good friend/colleague of mine (who must remain anonymous) told me a story when he and I were working together: He had grown up living with his mother at his grandmother's house. His mother was head nurse at a psychiatric hospital in the Northwest, and his grandparents had been in the US Air Force. Around the time he was 2 or 3 his mother's younger sister divorced from her husband and moved back in--along with her 2 year-old son--to the house with her mother, sister, and nephew (my friend). She agreed to share custody of her child with her ex-husband and her son would go on weekends to his father's house while my friend remained at home.
One weekend the young boy returned from his father's house shaken. In fact, he refused to go to his father's for their next visit and the family became concerned; so concerned that they sent my friend with him to his ex-uncle's house to see what was happening. After returning for the weekend the story began to come out that the child's father was involved in a Satanic Cult and were utilizing young children in their rituals. The boys were no longer permitted to spend time at the alleged abuser's house, and that's when things became even stranger.
One day my friend woke up to his mother in hysterics. A pentagram had been found on their front steps burnt into the ground with a circle of salt around it. A warning. He stated that he began having nightmares where "beings" were attacking him and he couldn't fight back. It was decided that the situation was becoming too dangerous, and the family decided to hatch a plan to help my friend's aunt and cousin escape for good. They drove out of the area, and he never heard from them again.
Over the course of my disengagement from the hip-hop world this story lingered as a relic in the back of consciousness, but it never surfaced as an anecdote with purpose. I lost contact with my friend, and we basically didn't speak for two years. Time passed, and its sands buried the Sphinx of a situation beneath the desert only to be rediscovered at the right time.
...
Last Sunday I went to bed and dreamed lucidly. I woke up in the morning with an idea etched into my consciousness, "I MUST call my estranged friend today." Without reason, I was certain that I needed to reconnect to this friend, but I pushed the idea into the back of my mind. At 12:30 PM; however, the Universe spoke before I could, and I received a text stating, "Joe, I know we haven't talked in a long time, but I'm ready to talk now. There are some very important things going on, and we need to meet up. No matter what distracts you, what excuse bares its head, you must meet with me on Thursday morning." I shuddered. My premonition seemed to hold much more credence than I had allowed, and I knew we would connect.
Thursday came, the day after my 29th birthday, and despite feeling atrocious from a surprise party thrown by my girlfriend the night before, I upheld my end of the bargain and my friend picked me up. I'm not sure if it was the alcohol from the previous night or the nostalgia of reconnecting, but I felt vulnerable and open. We got to my friend's house and he began to talk. He began speaking about "Multiple Personality Disorder" and psychiatric research on hypnosis, two subjects with which I had relative familiarity through my research. I began to wonder where it was all going. "Let's watch this short TV show, and then we'll talk about everything afterwards," my friend suggested. "Okay," I thought, and we began to watch a show on the Discovery Channel about hypnotizing an up-standing citizen into becoming an assassin and whether it was possible. Despite my relative certainty that it could be done--knowing about MK Ultra, etc--I watched, and was utterly convinced after several of the "tests" they put subjects through were fail-safe. At this point, I was intrigued.
"I'm sure you're wondering where I'm going with all this, now," he suggested. "Well, do you remember the story I told you about with my cousin?" I nodded. "I've been doing some research. It started back around January when I watched 'Eyes Wide Shut' 30 times. It began to dawn on me that there was a significant amount of Tarot infusion into the movie and I began to see patterns regarding conditioning and hypnosis throughout the film. I began to realize that there was more to it than I was seeing, including the ritualistic orgy, and I began researching multiple personality disorder. As my research unfolded, I began to have an eerie feeling that a lot of the signs of such a disorder were prevalent in me, and I began to unfurl folds linking Satanic Ritual Abuse with MPD. Then I thought about my cousin. I thought about the fact that I've never had a "real" job, and that I'm completely dependent on my mother and grandmother for everything. Grandma went on vacation, so I decided to go to her house, and look around."
"I found a locked drawer in her house with a bunch of notes," he continued, handing me a stack of papers in somebody else's hand-writing. "Look."
Written on the paper were columns corresponding to several Greek words that further correspond to brainwaves, as I understood from my research. "Alpha- handler; Beta- Sexual; Delta- Assassin; Gamma- Go Crazy, Omega- Self Destruct/Suicide" etc.
He continued, "As I said, my family has been in the medical field/military for generations going the whole way back to England, man. Here are pictures I found." He proceeded to show me myriad pictures riddled in perplexing imagery, often very orchestrated/ritualistic that seemed to suggest certain themes prevalent in brainwashing/conditioning programs. For instance, his mother was supposedly a "handler" or "Alpha" and most of her pictures had her handling either a child or dog on some sort of leash. They seemed very contrived. There were pictures of the family watching "The Wizard of Oz" together, something that they stated they did every year at Christmas, no matter what. There were disturbing pictures of children who one second seemed themselves, and in the next frame seemed to be somebody else, as if hypnotized. I was very disturbed, and began to question within myself why he had asked me to come over and share this information with me.
